Mini-Meltdown

No gym for me today. Le sigh. I wanted to go swimming, and might have if it hadn't been for my midday mini-meltdown. I must preface this meltdown story with some information, lest you be totally confused: I was recently laid off from my job that I have had for not even a year. I was a costumed interpreter (I dressed in costume to talk to visitors) at the Frontier Culture Museum in Virginia. Well, due to the craptastic economy, there were massive state budget cuts, and almost all the hourly employees at the museum were laid off. Oh, woe is me. Anyway, I am also in the process of obtaining my secondary teaching license in English, and am taking classes through Mary Baldwin College. Part of one of my classes is a sixty hour practicum in which I observe and help out in a teacher's classroom. The semester started September first, and I STILL had not heard anything about my placement (other than "we're working on it"), even though I had turned in all my forms on time. I think that is enough info for my upcoming rant to make sense.

So, today: Shortly after I woke up this morning I received a call from the woman at the college who is working on my placement. She still had not heard from the school system which I had requested for my practicum, so she wanted to ask my permission to ask another school system nearby. (Why wait a FREAKING month and a half to ask me if it is okay to look elsewhere? I indicated on the request form that the school system she called me about was my second choice!). Anyway, I told her it was more than fine and we hung up.

Now, I have recently been diagnosed with ADD, and I have a hard time focusing on getting my school work done, but I had all sorts of grand plans about getting muy muy assignments done today--but I made the mistake of checking my e-mail after I got off the phone with practicum lady. Well, there I found an e-mail from a close girlfriend who lives halfway across the country from me, and she sounded so upset about things going on in her life that I had to immediately e-mail her back. I have a tendancy to write books instead of e-mails, and this turned into one. Her e-mail was about a lot of things, but the main subject was that she is not happy with her current job situation. Apparently she tends to work somewhere for a time and then get tired of it and want to move on... but she had only just started this job last year around this time. Well, in my e-mail I told her I know how she feels--I had not been at the museum for quite a year, but was beginning to get antsy. (Of course, if I hadn't been laid off I would have continued to work there until I got my teaching license, but eh). Writing the e-mail to her got me thinking not only about my job situation and that I should be looking for jobs, but also, about becoming a teacher. What if I teach for a year and then realize I hate it? What will I do if that happens?

You can probably see where this line of thought started to lead me... do I even have any skills? What can I really do with my English Lit degree besides teach? (By this time I was searching job websites). Why is the healthcare industry the only industry that seems to be hiring right now? Why do entry level jobs want the applicant to have 3-5 years of experience? Do I have to move to a big city to actually find a job besides teaching that will utilize my degree??? These thoughts are depressing, and they were running rampant today.

Of course, I don't really need a full-time, big impressive job right now, because in theory, I will be teaching in a year and a half to two years. So I finally found a local, part-time job to apply for that I am qualified to do. Kennel attendant at an animal hosptial. My first high school job was actually as a kennel attendant at the local SPCA, and very recently I have worked at a PetsMart as a bather in their grooming salon, so I thought I'd be a shoe-in if I applied.

I had to actually go to the animal hospital to get a hard copy of an application, and when I got there--get this--I had to wait because they had already run out of applications and the girl had gone to get more. Seriously. They ran out of kennel attendant applications. When she got back (luckily I only had to wait a couple of minutes) I decided to go ahead and fill the application out right there and get it overwith. While I was sitting there filling out my application, someone else walks in and asks for a kennel attendant application. No joke. I never knew that scooping up dog crap was such a popular occupation.

After I left I called my mom to tell her I had applied (I had talked to her about it earlier, and called her for the addresses of some references, since I don't generally carry that information around with me). What was just supposed to be a short conversation ended up as a rant, with me in tears while trying to drive back home. It isn't my mom's fault, of course. She was being wonderful and supportive. I just, for some reason, was overcome by this massive wave of self-pity, and began ranting about: --Why did I even go to college, anyway? I just applied for a job a high school kid could do--and it was the only job that I could find locally that I am qualified to do! I'm sorry I wasted your money with college!-- I got myself all worked up, and got my mom worried. I feel bad now because our convo somehow morphed into how she doesn't know what it is like to be poor since she and dad have (since I've been alive, anyway) always lived in nice houses and had plenty of food, etc. I'm not really poor, but I feel like I am.

Anyway, by the time Jon (husband man) got home from work I was a blubbering mess, and I think I freaked him out a little bit. At first he got frustrated with me (he never really knows how to react when I'm crying... he starts acting like it's his fault and then I feel worse because it isn't andyouknowhowitgoes--). Then when things had calmed down a bit (I still was in the sniffling-eyes-attempting-to-water-over-phase) I noted that I really wanted Starbucks, but three dollar coffee was too expensive, especially with me out of work. Being the sweetie that he is, he handed me his debit card (we have a weird banking situation right now... we both have our own accounts, and also a joint account) and told me to go get my coffee since he knew I really wanted it. (And also could I go pick him up a burger at Wendy's while I was out?) I dithered about at first, and then my stomach decided to throw in its two cents, and tell me I was hungry. I didn't really want fast food, though. Long story short we ended up at Ming Garden, a really good Chinese buffet in town.

BUT--before we got to Ming Garden I got a call from practicum lady. She got me the placement I needed. Yay on that count... (she waited a month and a half to hear from the other school, and then got this placement in a day?!)

After that my mood took a definite upswing. I'm doing just fine now (I even managed to not overeat at the buffet... WOOT!). I still don't know what to do about the job situation, so I guess I'll just keep looking and hope something turns up.

Also, after all this nonsense today, I realized that my period is supposed to be this week. Thank you very much for enhancing my day, PMS!

And as for my ADD... you remember all those grand homework plans I had this morning? It is 10:50pm and I have not done a thing. Doh!