Happy New Year!

Well, what can I say? I got lazy. As you can see, I haven't blogged for quite awhile. I stopped going to the gym because I was busy with my practicum (sort of like student teaching, but not really). Then, when the practicum was over, I used school as an excuse to not exercise. I really was genuinely stressed out about getting everything done (I did, by the way... two A's and a B+ -in math-)... but school has been over since the second week of December. My next excuse then became "the holidays." Why should I go work out when everyone else is enjoying themselves and indulging? Yeah, so you can see where that led me.

I am not going to make a New Year's resolution. I am going to make a Lifetime Resolution. It may take me years, but I am eventually going to get down to a healthy weight for myself. I don't like New Year's resolutions because it implies that it is only for a year... plus, hardly anyone ever keeps a New Year's resolution.

I really do, as corny as it sounds, want to make a lifetime change. I want to be healthy. After Christmas I went down to North Carolina to visit my parents and sister. We went shopping and I had to shop at Talbots Woman. I bought some really nice trouser jeans... in a size 18W. That is the last time I buy 18s. I feel that any store with "Woman" in the name is really designed for large, middle-aged ladies who have given up on themselves. I refuse to ever turn into one of those women. I want to be able to shop in the Misses section. (My dream of ever shopping in the Juniors section again is just that... a dream).

So, Erin, how will you achieve this goal of shopping in the Misses section? you might ask. (Hehe). Well, starting today I begin watching what I eat again. So far today (it is just after noon) I have had a homemade vanilla latte with skim milk and (too much) sugar. I also made myself a chai tea latte (again with skim milk) and used three Splendas this time. I really don't like the idea of artificial sweeteners, but I looked online at calorieking.com and realized that the amount of sugar I put into that first latte cost me 116 calories. 116 empty calories, providing no nutrition whatsoever.

It is about time for lunch, and I'm not sure what I'll have... maybe a leftover burrito, or a grilled cheese sandmich. :) Or maybe a can of that Weight Watchers Progresso Light Soup. I have some left over from my days as a working girl (when I was too lazy to actually pack a sandwich) so maybe one of those will be good. They contain entirely too much sodium, but at least they are filling and lower in fat and calories. As far as dinner goes... that is yet to be determined.

I think I may actually try to rejoin Weight Watchers at some point this year (after I have procured employment) and reteach myself to eat healthy. I would want to try the meetings this time, though. I had been doing it online, and I think the lack of human connection and a true support system is the reason the online program didn't really work for me. Until I can afford to join the Weight Watchers meetings, I will do my best to do the "everything in moderation" plan, and exercise. Who knows, maybe by the time I have the money to go, I may have figured out how to lose the weight on my own.

As for exercise... I think there is an elliptical machine at my gym that really misses me. :P I am paying monthly (until November) for a year membership, so I probably ought to use it, huh? I think my new exercise goal will be to try and make it to the gym for an hour two to three times a week, and build it up from there. I would eventually like to go to the gym five days a week if I have the time (and energy). But man, I haven't been in so long that I'm worried I have lost what little wind I had gained from doing the elliptical so much. Oh well, maybe I'll start out slow, doing the weight machines for twenty minutes to a half hour, and using the rest of the time on the elliptical. But I have to go. I know from experience that my body sheds the weight quicker if I watch what I eat and exercise.

Also, around the time I bought the gym membership, I bought a new bathing suit and goggles so I could swim laps. Maybe I should use them. I have only used them once so far. I just get really self conscious... I don't like to look at my cottage-cheesy-spider-veiny thighs, so I doubt anyone else wants to see them either. But I suppose my health trumps what other people think of my body in a bathing suit. Who knows, maybe I'll be the fat chick who everyone sees and thinks "Oh, she is so brave to put herself out there and try and get fit, even though she looks like Moby Dick floundering around out in the pool." :P Hey, I know people probably think stuff like that, even if they don't say it.

I have really let myself go... and I'm not really sure where I went, so it may take awhile for me to find myself and drag my sorry ass back. Hehe that didn't make a lick of sense. Anyway, I do believe that (((cliche))) this is the first day of the rest of my life, and (((song lyrics))) I will survive.

I want to be so much more than a fat chick. I don't want my weight to be the first thing people see when they look at me. I want to be happy in my own skin. I will be.