Okay, so screw going back to Weight Watchers. I have found something soooo much better... and FREE!!! www.sparkpeople.com Go there. Seriously. It is an online weight loss program (free!!!) and so much more. It is a supportive community of caring people going through the same trials as you. It is a fount of nutritional knowledge. It is freaking fun!
This is how I found out about it: As usual I was feeling discontented with my weight, and in order to try and motivate myself I went to www.theweighwewere.com which is a website that posts weight loss success stories. I was reading about someone who had lost a significant amount of weight on her own by counting calories through a free website called Sparkpeople. "Free" piqued my interest. As did the woman's significant weight loss. Intrigued, I looked into it. And I haven't looked back yet.
The SparkDiet is a common sense approach to weight loss and lifestyle change. There is an excellent nutrition tracker. Unlike the Weight Watchers online tracker, this one doesn't track only "points." It shows you the calories, fat, carbs and protein in what you have eaten. You can even personalize it to show you other nutrients from the food you have tracked. The program also doesn't expect you to jump right in and completely change your life all at once. The first two weeks of the program are your "Fast Break" weeks, where you set small goals to accomplish. They also tell you to eat how you would normally eat, but make sure you track everything, so you can see just how many calories, fat grams, carbs and how much protein you are consuming. It is usually a shocker.
There is also a fitness tracker for both strength training and cardio. The amount of cardio you do effects how many calories you can eat. They give you a range to try and fall in for all the calories and nutrients. My range, for example, is between 1340 and 1690 calories daily. Just to see what would change if I increased my exercise, I typed in a higher number of calories burned per week than I really do burn (via exercise). My calorie intake went up to the maximum being around 18-something. I am just trying to get to the gym three days a week for now, but once it becomes more of a habit, I will try to go five days a week. Then I really should be able to eat more.
What is really great about this is it is guy friendly. My husband and I both really need to lose weight, and I complained to him that it is really difficult for me to lose when he is constantly tempting me by eating fast food in front of me. I asked him if he would give Sparkpeople a try, and to my surprise, he did! He really likes it--he thinks the nutrition tracker and fitness tracker are just too cool. I am really proud of him. After seeing how many calories he needs to eat to lose weight, and realizing how many calories he had been eating every day, he has really started to try and improve his eating habits. He even made us yummy healthy smoothies the other morning!
I have such a positive outlook on this "weight loss thing" now that I have found such an awesome (and free!) program, and now that my husband is making an effort to get healthy with me. For once in my life I can finally see this becoming an actual "lifestyle change" rather than just a diet. Once I have a job and we have a bit more money, my husband is going to get a gym membership and work out with me. I cannot wait!
So anyway, I cannot say enough wonderful things about Sparkpeople. It has really been a turning point for me, making me view my health and nutrition in a whole new way. If you are struggling to lose weight on your own, before you sign up for some expensive program where a company is making money off of you losing weight, check out Sparkpeople instead. You won't regret it!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
Well, what can I say? I got lazy. As you can see, I haven't blogged for quite awhile. I stopped going to the gym because I was busy with my practicum (sort of like student teaching, but not really). Then, when the practicum was over, I used school as an excuse to not exercise. I really was genuinely stressed out about getting everything done (I did, by the way... two A's and a B+ -in math-)... but school has been over since the second week of December. My next excuse then became "the holidays." Why should I go work out when everyone else is enjoying themselves and indulging? Yeah, so you can see where that led me.
I am not going to make a New Year's resolution. I am going to make a Lifetime Resolution. It may take me years, but I am eventually going to get down to a healthy weight for myself. I don't like New Year's resolutions because it implies that it is only for a year... plus, hardly anyone ever keeps a New Year's resolution.
I really do, as corny as it sounds, want to make a lifetime change. I want to be healthy. After Christmas I went down to North Carolina to visit my parents and sister. We went shopping and I had to shop at Talbots Woman. I bought some really nice trouser jeans... in a size 18W. That is the last time I buy 18s. I feel that any store with "Woman" in the name is really designed for large, middle-aged ladies who have given up on themselves. I refuse to ever turn into one of those women. I want to be able to shop in the Misses section. (My dream of ever shopping in the Juniors section again is just that... a dream).
So, Erin, how will you achieve this goal of shopping in the Misses section? you might ask. (Hehe). Well, starting today I begin watching what I eat again. So far today (it is just after noon) I have had a homemade vanilla latte with skim milk and (too much) sugar. I also made myself a chai tea latte (again with skim milk) and used three Splendas this time. I really don't like the idea of artificial sweeteners, but I looked online at calorieking.com and realized that the amount of sugar I put into that first latte cost me 116 calories. 116 empty calories, providing no nutrition whatsoever.
It is about time for lunch, and I'm not sure what I'll have... maybe a leftover burrito, or a grilled cheese sandmich. :) Or maybe a can of that Weight Watchers Progresso Light Soup. I have some left over from my days as a working girl (when I was too lazy to actually pack a sandwich) so maybe one of those will be good. They contain entirely too much sodium, but at least they are filling and lower in fat and calories. As far as dinner goes... that is yet to be determined.
I think I may actually try to rejoin Weight Watchers at some point this year (after I have procured employment) and reteach myself to eat healthy. I would want to try the meetings this time, though. I had been doing it online, and I think the lack of human connection and a true support system is the reason the online program didn't really work for me. Until I can afford to join the Weight Watchers meetings, I will do my best to do the "everything in moderation" plan, and exercise. Who knows, maybe by the time I have the money to go, I may have figured out how to lose the weight on my own.
As for exercise... I think there is an elliptical machine at my gym that really misses me. :P I am paying monthly (until November) for a year membership, so I probably ought to use it, huh? I think my new exercise goal will be to try and make it to the gym for an hour two to three times a week, and build it up from there. I would eventually like to go to the gym five days a week if I have the time (and energy). But man, I haven't been in so long that I'm worried I have lost what little wind I had gained from doing the elliptical so much. Oh well, maybe I'll start out slow, doing the weight machines for twenty minutes to a half hour, and using the rest of the time on the elliptical. But I have to go. I know from experience that my body sheds the weight quicker if I watch what I eat and exercise.
Also, around the time I bought the gym membership, I bought a new bathing suit and goggles so I could swim laps. Maybe I should use them. I have only used them once so far. I just get really self conscious... I don't like to look at my cottage-cheesy-spider-veiny thighs, so I doubt anyone else wants to see them either. But I suppose my health trumps what other people think of my body in a bathing suit. Who knows, maybe I'll be the fat chick who everyone sees and thinks "Oh, she is so brave to put herself out there and try and get fit, even though she looks like Moby Dick floundering around out in the pool." :P Hey, I know people probably think stuff like that, even if they don't say it.
I have really let myself go... and I'm not really sure where I went, so it may take awhile for me to find myself and drag my sorry ass back. Hehe that didn't make a lick of sense. Anyway, I do believe that (((cliche))) this is the first day of the rest of my life, and (((song lyrics))) I will survive.
I want to be so much more than a fat chick. I don't want my weight to be the first thing people see when they look at me. I want to be happy in my own skin. I will be.
I am not going to make a New Year's resolution. I am going to make a Lifetime Resolution. It may take me years, but I am eventually going to get down to a healthy weight for myself. I don't like New Year's resolutions because it implies that it is only for a year... plus, hardly anyone ever keeps a New Year's resolution.
I really do, as corny as it sounds, want to make a lifetime change. I want to be healthy. After Christmas I went down to North Carolina to visit my parents and sister. We went shopping and I had to shop at Talbots Woman. I bought some really nice trouser jeans... in a size 18W. That is the last time I buy 18s. I feel that any store with "Woman" in the name is really designed for large, middle-aged ladies who have given up on themselves. I refuse to ever turn into one of those women. I want to be able to shop in the Misses section. (My dream of ever shopping in the Juniors section again is just that... a dream).
So, Erin, how will you achieve this goal of shopping in the Misses section? you might ask. (Hehe). Well, starting today I begin watching what I eat again. So far today (it is just after noon) I have had a homemade vanilla latte with skim milk and (too much) sugar. I also made myself a chai tea latte (again with skim milk) and used three Splendas this time. I really don't like the idea of artificial sweeteners, but I looked online at calorieking.com and realized that the amount of sugar I put into that first latte cost me 116 calories. 116 empty calories, providing no nutrition whatsoever.
It is about time for lunch, and I'm not sure what I'll have... maybe a leftover burrito, or a grilled cheese sandmich. :) Or maybe a can of that Weight Watchers Progresso Light Soup. I have some left over from my days as a working girl (when I was too lazy to actually pack a sandwich) so maybe one of those will be good. They contain entirely too much sodium, but at least they are filling and lower in fat and calories. As far as dinner goes... that is yet to be determined.
I think I may actually try to rejoin Weight Watchers at some point this year (after I have procured employment) and reteach myself to eat healthy. I would want to try the meetings this time, though. I had been doing it online, and I think the lack of human connection and a true support system is the reason the online program didn't really work for me. Until I can afford to join the Weight Watchers meetings, I will do my best to do the "everything in moderation" plan, and exercise. Who knows, maybe by the time I have the money to go, I may have figured out how to lose the weight on my own.
As for exercise... I think there is an elliptical machine at my gym that really misses me. :P I am paying monthly (until November) for a year membership, so I probably ought to use it, huh? I think my new exercise goal will be to try and make it to the gym for an hour two to three times a week, and build it up from there. I would eventually like to go to the gym five days a week if I have the time (and energy). But man, I haven't been in so long that I'm worried I have lost what little wind I had gained from doing the elliptical so much. Oh well, maybe I'll start out slow, doing the weight machines for twenty minutes to a half hour, and using the rest of the time on the elliptical. But I have to go. I know from experience that my body sheds the weight quicker if I watch what I eat and exercise.
Also, around the time I bought the gym membership, I bought a new bathing suit and goggles so I could swim laps. Maybe I should use them. I have only used them once so far. I just get really self conscious... I don't like to look at my cottage-cheesy-spider-veiny thighs, so I doubt anyone else wants to see them either. But I suppose my health trumps what other people think of my body in a bathing suit. Who knows, maybe I'll be the fat chick who everyone sees and thinks "Oh, she is so brave to put herself out there and try and get fit, even though she looks like Moby Dick floundering around out in the pool." :P Hey, I know people probably think stuff like that, even if they don't say it.
I have really let myself go... and I'm not really sure where I went, so it may take awhile for me to find myself and drag my sorry ass back. Hehe that didn't make a lick of sense. Anyway, I do believe that (((cliche))) this is the first day of the rest of my life, and (((song lyrics))) I will survive.
I want to be so much more than a fat chick. I don't want my weight to be the first thing people see when they look at me. I want to be happy in my own skin. I will be.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
1000 Calories?! Yeehaw!
So, yesterday was Halloween. Yes, I am a candy glutton. (As I type this I'm actually eating some Smarties. Yum). I bought a huge bag of Smarties and a bag of assorted mini chocolate bars to hand out, not knowing how many trick-or-treaters we'd get. We moved into our apartment complex a week or so after Halloween last year, so I wasn't sure if there was a lot of trick-or-treating to be had. I had gone to the gym (more about that later) and was cleaning up... I had just gotten my shower and was butt-naked, getting ready to get dressed... and there was a knock on the door. Great. I can't answer the door in my bathrobe, right? That would be a bit creepy. So I dashed to throw on some jeans and a sweater that zips up, and I threw my soggy hair into a messy bun. I heard the family leaving our building... Nooooo! I actually opened the door and stuck my head out and called out to the mom: "Hey, did you guys just knock? I was in the bathroom... I have stuff!" Glory. Way to be awkward. Anyway, the parents brought their three kids up to my door and they got their candy. Yay. Those were the only trick-or-treaters that I got. Well, to be fair, there might have been more, but I got a call from my cousin-in-law Heather, wanting me to come over and hang out with her and her four-month-old, Zachary, and her mom and Mum-mum (grandma). So I finished cleaning up and skeedadled on over there. I brought my candy with me (after dumping half the bag of Smarties on the coffee table so I'd have some for myself... I love my Smarties!) in case they ran out of candy, since they live in a nice neighborhood. A few streets over (where the big, rich people houses are) there were tons of trick-or-treaters.... While I was at Mum-mum's house, though, I think there was only one or two that came by. And I was there from about 7:15 until after 9:30. Go figure. It was fun anyway. I got to see Zachary in his costume--a skeleton onesie. :) Awwww. I did eat too much candy and half a meatball sub while I was there, but I'm trying to justify it because of my earlier trip to the gym. Let's go there now.
My weight has been somewhat stagnant around 218 for a week or so now. I'm not complaining, since I've lost ten or so pounds since I started trying to lose back in September... but still, I need to try harder. I want to actually LOOK like I've lost weight. I don't know if it is my frame or what, but for some reason I have to lose twenty to thirty pounds before I go down a size. It frustrates me to no end, because I'm the type who wants to be able to SEE my results. If I lose ten more pounds and still don't look like I've lost anything, I'm going to be severely pissed. So, trying harder. I went to the gym yesterday (before my Halloween fun) and spent an hour and about fifteen minutes on the elliptical machine. Why so long? I had it in mind to burn 1000 calories. Now, I know that the calorie burn and possibly the heart-rate monitor on the ellipticals at the gym may not be the most accurate... But it still feels good to see such a high number. I went for an hour and burnt around 800, but then I had to stop and reset the time, because the ellipticals at the gym will only let you set them for sixty minutes at a time. I set it for twenty more minutes, because I wasn't sure how long it would take to burn the last 200 calories... it took around fifteen. I wasn't watching all too closely, because Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was on one of the t.v.s, and I heart that show. It is the one show that makes me truly forget how long I've been on the elliptical. I need to check the channel listings and schedule my workouts around that show. I'm not kidding! The one thing I hate, though, is the commercial breaks. When a commercial comes on, I again focus on the monitor on my elliptical instead of the telly. It is then when I tend to feel tired. :P But I did it. I burnt 1000 calories in one workout! Now, if only I could find the motivation to go the the gym every single DAY and burn that many calories. I bet my weight loss would be a lot quicker if I did that. So that was fun. Of course, I totally counter-acted all those calories burnt when I pigged out on Halloween candy. Oh well, at least I know I can do it now, right?
My weight has been somewhat stagnant around 218 for a week or so now. I'm not complaining, since I've lost ten or so pounds since I started trying to lose back in September... but still, I need to try harder. I want to actually LOOK like I've lost weight. I don't know if it is my frame or what, but for some reason I have to lose twenty to thirty pounds before I go down a size. It frustrates me to no end, because I'm the type who wants to be able to SEE my results. If I lose ten more pounds and still don't look like I've lost anything, I'm going to be severely pissed. So, trying harder. I went to the gym yesterday (before my Halloween fun) and spent an hour and about fifteen minutes on the elliptical machine. Why so long? I had it in mind to burn 1000 calories. Now, I know that the calorie burn and possibly the heart-rate monitor on the ellipticals at the gym may not be the most accurate... But it still feels good to see such a high number. I went for an hour and burnt around 800, but then I had to stop and reset the time, because the ellipticals at the gym will only let you set them for sixty minutes at a time. I set it for twenty more minutes, because I wasn't sure how long it would take to burn the last 200 calories... it took around fifteen. I wasn't watching all too closely, because Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was on one of the t.v.s, and I heart that show. It is the one show that makes me truly forget how long I've been on the elliptical. I need to check the channel listings and schedule my workouts around that show. I'm not kidding! The one thing I hate, though, is the commercial breaks. When a commercial comes on, I again focus on the monitor on my elliptical instead of the telly. It is then when I tend to feel tired. :P But I did it. I burnt 1000 calories in one workout! Now, if only I could find the motivation to go the the gym every single DAY and burn that many calories. I bet my weight loss would be a lot quicker if I did that. So that was fun. Of course, I totally counter-acted all those calories burnt when I pigged out on Halloween candy. Oh well, at least I know I can do it now, right?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
To gym, or not to gym? That is the question.
Well, I didn't go to the gym today. I did go yesterday, though. I'm just wondering how to make sure I keep going to the gym without getting burnt out. So far the every other day thing seems to be working okay... I know I would probably get in better shape and lose weight faster if I went to the gym everyday and used the elliptical machine for an hour, but that is pretty unrealistic.
So yesterday when I went to the gym, I had a plan. My plan was to do 15-20 minutes on the elliptical machine, followed by about 15 minutes on the weight machines. Then I was going to swim (probably in the therapy pool) for another 20-30 minutes and finish off with a little dip in the hot tub to relax my muscles. I even packed a whole gym bag and everything--I had my bathing suit and goggles, and a change of clothes for after my shower, and even deodorant and a hairbrush (which I happened to forget the last time I actually went swimming).
Anyway, I get to the gym... I 'm doing the elliptical thing, and before I know it my 20 minutes is already over. I just didn't feel like that gave me enough of a workout, so I added on another 15 minutes. When that time was up I still felt relatively fresh... PLUS Extreme Makeover: Home Edition had just come on one of the big tvs hanging in the cardio area, and I am a sucker for that show...so I finally added on enough time to just give me my usual hour on the elliptical. By the time I finished I figured it would be overkill to go swimming. I probably could have done weights, but I don't like to do them when I'm excessively sweaty because I tend to leave (warning:TMI) sweaty butt prints on the seats. (Don't worry, I wipe them off... but still... ew.)
So that was my trip to the gym--an hour on the elliptical. I was still good and tired when I was done, but I need to try and actually stick to my plan next time... I need the variety, and need to work different sets of muscles. I do tend to like the cardio the most, though, because it is the quickest way to lose weight. However, I need to keep reminding myself that this isn't JUST about losing weight--it is about getting fit and healthy. (Plus I want to get toned). :)
So yesterday when I went to the gym, I had a plan. My plan was to do 15-20 minutes on the elliptical machine, followed by about 15 minutes on the weight machines. Then I was going to swim (probably in the therapy pool) for another 20-30 minutes and finish off with a little dip in the hot tub to relax my muscles. I even packed a whole gym bag and everything--I had my bathing suit and goggles, and a change of clothes for after my shower, and even deodorant and a hairbrush (which I happened to forget the last time I actually went swimming).
Anyway, I get to the gym... I 'm doing the elliptical thing, and before I know it my 20 minutes is already over. I just didn't feel like that gave me enough of a workout, so I added on another 15 minutes. When that time was up I still felt relatively fresh... PLUS Extreme Makeover: Home Edition had just come on one of the big tvs hanging in the cardio area, and I am a sucker for that show...so I finally added on enough time to just give me my usual hour on the elliptical. By the time I finished I figured it would be overkill to go swimming. I probably could have done weights, but I don't like to do them when I'm excessively sweaty because I tend to leave (warning:TMI) sweaty butt prints on the seats. (Don't worry, I wipe them off... but still... ew.)
So that was my trip to the gym--an hour on the elliptical. I was still good and tired when I was done, but I need to try and actually stick to my plan next time... I need the variety, and need to work different sets of muscles. I do tend to like the cardio the most, though, because it is the quickest way to lose weight. However, I need to keep reminding myself that this isn't JUST about losing weight--it is about getting fit and healthy. (Plus I want to get toned). :)
Monday, October 20, 2008
Mini-Meltdown
No gym for me today. Le sigh. I wanted to go swimming, and might have if it hadn't been for my midday mini-meltdown. I must preface this meltdown story with some information, lest you be totally confused: I was recently laid off from my job that I have had for not even a year. I was a costumed interpreter (I dressed in costume to talk to visitors) at the Frontier Culture Museum in Virginia. Well, due to the craptastic economy, there were massive state budget cuts, and almost all the hourly employees at the museum were laid off. Oh, woe is me. Anyway, I am also in the process of obtaining my secondary teaching license in English, and am taking classes through Mary Baldwin College. Part of one of my classes is a sixty hour practicum in which I observe and help out in a teacher's classroom. The semester started September first, and I STILL had not heard anything about my placement (other than "we're working on it"), even though I had turned in all my forms on time. I think that is enough info for my upcoming rant to make sense.
So, today: Shortly after I woke up this morning I received a call from the woman at the college who is working on my placement. She still had not heard from the school system which I had requested for my practicum, so she wanted to ask my permission to ask another school system nearby. (Why wait a FREAKING month and a half to ask me if it is okay to look elsewhere? I indicated on the request form that the school system she called me about was my second choice!). Anyway, I told her it was more than fine and we hung up.
Now, I have recently been diagnosed with ADD, and I have a hard time focusing on getting my school work done, but I had all sorts of grand plans about getting muy muy assignments done today--but I made the mistake of checking my e-mail after I got off the phone with practicum lady. Well, there I found an e-mail from a close girlfriend who lives halfway across the country from me, and she sounded so upset about things going on in her life that I had to immediately e-mail her back. I have a tendancy to write books instead of e-mails, and this turned into one. Her e-mail was about a lot of things, but the main subject was that she is not happy with her current job situation. Apparently she tends to work somewhere for a time and then get tired of it and want to move on... but she had only just started this job last year around this time. Well, in my e-mail I told her I know how she feels--I had not been at the museum for quite a year, but was beginning to get antsy. (Of course, if I hadn't been laid off I would have continued to work there until I got my teaching license, but eh). Writing the e-mail to her got me thinking not only about my job situation and that I should be looking for jobs, but also, about becoming a teacher. What if I teach for a year and then realize I hate it? What will I do if that happens?
You can probably see where this line of thought started to lead me... do I even have any skills? What can I really do with my English Lit degree besides teach? (By this time I was searching job websites). Why is the healthcare industry the only industry that seems to be hiring right now? Why do entry level jobs want the applicant to have 3-5 years of experience? Do I have to move to a big city to actually find a job besides teaching that will utilize my degree??? These thoughts are depressing, and they were running rampant today.
Of course, I don't really need a full-time, big impressive job right now, because in theory, I will be teaching in a year and a half to two years. So I finally found a local, part-time job to apply for that I am qualified to do. Kennel attendant at an animal hosptial. My first high school job was actually as a kennel attendant at the local SPCA, and very recently I have worked at a PetsMart as a bather in their grooming salon, so I thought I'd be a shoe-in if I applied.
I had to actually go to the animal hospital to get a hard copy of an application, and when I got there--get this--I had to wait because they had already run out of applications and the girl had gone to get more. Seriously. They ran out of kennel attendant applications. When she got back (luckily I only had to wait a couple of minutes) I decided to go ahead and fill the application out right there and get it overwith. While I was sitting there filling out my application, someone else walks in and asks for a kennel attendant application. No joke. I never knew that scooping up dog crap was such a popular occupation.
After I left I called my mom to tell her I had applied (I had talked to her about it earlier, and called her for the addresses of some references, since I don't generally carry that information around with me). What was just supposed to be a short conversation ended up as a rant, with me in tears while trying to drive back home. It isn't my mom's fault, of course. She was being wonderful and supportive. I just, for some reason, was overcome by this massive wave of self-pity, and began ranting about: --Why did I even go to college, anyway? I just applied for a job a high school kid could do--and it was the only job that I could find locally that I am qualified to do! I'm sorry I wasted your money with college!-- I got myself all worked up, and got my mom worried. I feel bad now because our convo somehow morphed into how she doesn't know what it is like to be poor since she and dad have (since I've been alive, anyway) always lived in nice houses and had plenty of food, etc. I'm not really poor, but I feel like I am.
Anyway, by the time Jon (husband man) got home from work I was a blubbering mess, and I think I freaked him out a little bit. At first he got frustrated with me (he never really knows how to react when I'm crying... he starts acting like it's his fault and then I feel worse because it isn't andyouknowhowitgoes--). Then when things had calmed down a bit (I still was in the sniffling-eyes-attempting-to-water-over-phase) I noted that I really wanted Starbucks, but three dollar coffee was too expensive, especially with me out of work. Being the sweetie that he is, he handed me his debit card (we have a weird banking situation right now... we both have our own accounts, and also a joint account) and told me to go get my coffee since he knew I really wanted it. (And also could I go pick him up a burger at Wendy's while I was out?) I dithered about at first, and then my stomach decided to throw in its two cents, and tell me I was hungry. I didn't really want fast food, though. Long story short we ended up at Ming Garden, a really good Chinese buffet in town.
BUT--before we got to Ming Garden I got a call from practicum lady. She got me the placement I needed. Yay on that count... (she waited a month and a half to hear from the other school, and then got this placement in a day?!)
After that my mood took a definite upswing. I'm doing just fine now (I even managed to not overeat at the buffet... WOOT!). I still don't know what to do about the job situation, so I guess I'll just keep looking and hope something turns up.
Also, after all this nonsense today, I realized that my period is supposed to be this week. Thank you very much for enhancing my day, PMS!
And as for my ADD... you remember all those grand homework plans I had this morning? It is 10:50pm and I have not done a thing. Doh!
So, today: Shortly after I woke up this morning I received a call from the woman at the college who is working on my placement. She still had not heard from the school system which I had requested for my practicum, so she wanted to ask my permission to ask another school system nearby. (Why wait a FREAKING month and a half to ask me if it is okay to look elsewhere? I indicated on the request form that the school system she called me about was my second choice!). Anyway, I told her it was more than fine and we hung up.
Now, I have recently been diagnosed with ADD, and I have a hard time focusing on getting my school work done, but I had all sorts of grand plans about getting muy muy assignments done today--but I made the mistake of checking my e-mail after I got off the phone with practicum lady. Well, there I found an e-mail from a close girlfriend who lives halfway across the country from me, and she sounded so upset about things going on in her life that I had to immediately e-mail her back. I have a tendancy to write books instead of e-mails, and this turned into one. Her e-mail was about a lot of things, but the main subject was that she is not happy with her current job situation. Apparently she tends to work somewhere for a time and then get tired of it and want to move on... but she had only just started this job last year around this time. Well, in my e-mail I told her I know how she feels--I had not been at the museum for quite a year, but was beginning to get antsy. (Of course, if I hadn't been laid off I would have continued to work there until I got my teaching license, but eh). Writing the e-mail to her got me thinking not only about my job situation and that I should be looking for jobs, but also, about becoming a teacher. What if I teach for a year and then realize I hate it? What will I do if that happens?
You can probably see where this line of thought started to lead me... do I even have any skills? What can I really do with my English Lit degree besides teach? (By this time I was searching job websites). Why is the healthcare industry the only industry that seems to be hiring right now? Why do entry level jobs want the applicant to have 3-5 years of experience? Do I have to move to a big city to actually find a job besides teaching that will utilize my degree??? These thoughts are depressing, and they were running rampant today.
Of course, I don't really need a full-time, big impressive job right now, because in theory, I will be teaching in a year and a half to two years. So I finally found a local, part-time job to apply for that I am qualified to do. Kennel attendant at an animal hosptial. My first high school job was actually as a kennel attendant at the local SPCA, and very recently I have worked at a PetsMart as a bather in their grooming salon, so I thought I'd be a shoe-in if I applied.
I had to actually go to the animal hospital to get a hard copy of an application, and when I got there--get this--I had to wait because they had already run out of applications and the girl had gone to get more. Seriously. They ran out of kennel attendant applications. When she got back (luckily I only had to wait a couple of minutes) I decided to go ahead and fill the application out right there and get it overwith. While I was sitting there filling out my application, someone else walks in and asks for a kennel attendant application. No joke. I never knew that scooping up dog crap was such a popular occupation.
After I left I called my mom to tell her I had applied (I had talked to her about it earlier, and called her for the addresses of some references, since I don't generally carry that information around with me). What was just supposed to be a short conversation ended up as a rant, with me in tears while trying to drive back home. It isn't my mom's fault, of course. She was being wonderful and supportive. I just, for some reason, was overcome by this massive wave of self-pity, and began ranting about: --Why did I even go to college, anyway? I just applied for a job a high school kid could do--and it was the only job that I could find locally that I am qualified to do! I'm sorry I wasted your money with college!-- I got myself all worked up, and got my mom worried. I feel bad now because our convo somehow morphed into how she doesn't know what it is like to be poor since she and dad have (since I've been alive, anyway) always lived in nice houses and had plenty of food, etc. I'm not really poor, but I feel like I am.
Anyway, by the time Jon (husband man) got home from work I was a blubbering mess, and I think I freaked him out a little bit. At first he got frustrated with me (he never really knows how to react when I'm crying... he starts acting like it's his fault and then I feel worse because it isn't andyouknowhowitgoes--). Then when things had calmed down a bit (I still was in the sniffling-eyes-attempting-to-water-over-phase) I noted that I really wanted Starbucks, but three dollar coffee was too expensive, especially with me out of work. Being the sweetie that he is, he handed me his debit card (we have a weird banking situation right now... we both have our own accounts, and also a joint account) and told me to go get my coffee since he knew I really wanted it. (And also could I go pick him up a burger at Wendy's while I was out?) I dithered about at first, and then my stomach decided to throw in its two cents, and tell me I was hungry. I didn't really want fast food, though. Long story short we ended up at Ming Garden, a really good Chinese buffet in town.
BUT--before we got to Ming Garden I got a call from practicum lady. She got me the placement I needed. Yay on that count... (she waited a month and a half to hear from the other school, and then got this placement in a day?!)
After that my mood took a definite upswing. I'm doing just fine now (I even managed to not overeat at the buffet... WOOT!). I still don't know what to do about the job situation, so I guess I'll just keep looking and hope something turns up.
Also, after all this nonsense today, I realized that my period is supposed to be this week. Thank you very much for enhancing my day, PMS!
And as for my ADD... you remember all those grand homework plans I had this morning? It is 10:50pm and I have not done a thing. Doh!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I heart me!
I'm going to use this post for a little self-love (that sounds a bit dirty, huh?) ;P I may not be svelte or physically fit, but I think I'm quite pretty. And I AM working on the whole physical fitness thing right now. But since I don't really expect people to read this blog, I may as well toot my own horn a little bit. After all, I admitted I'm fat--I should also admit I'm pretty and a wonderful person. :)
I've had complete strangers come up to me and tell me I look like Drew Barrymore, and I don't mind one bit. I think Drew is gorgeous, and although I know I couldn't pass for her twin, to at least remind people of her makes me feel like my looks are not wanting. :) I like to imagine that some day I'll be "discovered" by some Hollywood hotshot and get to play Drew's sister in a movie. Note the word -imagine- there... I live in Virginia and won't be jetsetting over to Hollywoodland any time in the forseeable future, but, ya know, a girl can dream.
What else is great about me? Well, I enjoy singing and have been told I have a pretty voice. When I used to sing solos in church sometimes old ladies would come up to me after the service and say I made them cry... in a good way! Right now I'm singing in the praise band at my church, and I'm having a blast with it.
I'm also good at drawing, although I don't really make time for it anymore. I'm good at writing, and would like to be a -published- children's/ young adult's author someday. What else... I'm a pretty good cook, but an even better baker. I never follow cookie recipes to the letter, and my cookies always turn out delish. (I get the cookie genes from my mama!)
Well, I'm pretty great. I just need to remember to come back and re-read this on days when I'm feeling down on myself. My weight does not determine my worth as a person.
I've had complete strangers come up to me and tell me I look like Drew Barrymore, and I don't mind one bit. I think Drew is gorgeous, and although I know I couldn't pass for her twin, to at least remind people of her makes me feel like my looks are not wanting. :) I like to imagine that some day I'll be "discovered" by some Hollywood hotshot and get to play Drew's sister in a movie. Note the word -imagine- there... I live in Virginia and won't be jetsetting over to Hollywoodland any time in the forseeable future, but, ya know, a girl can dream.
What else is great about me? Well, I enjoy singing and have been told I have a pretty voice. When I used to sing solos in church sometimes old ladies would come up to me after the service and say I made them cry... in a good way! Right now I'm singing in the praise band at my church, and I'm having a blast with it.
I'm also good at drawing, although I don't really make time for it anymore. I'm good at writing, and would like to be a -published- children's/ young adult's author someday. What else... I'm a pretty good cook, but an even better baker. I never follow cookie recipes to the letter, and my cookies always turn out delish. (I get the cookie genes from my mama!)
Well, I'm pretty great. I just need to remember to come back and re-read this on days when I'm feeling down on myself. My weight does not determine my worth as a person.
Get up lazybones!!!
I have to go to the gym today. I haven't since Thursday when I went swimming, and it is Sunday now. I didn't go for that stint because I strained or pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it hurt muchly. It is still sore but usable--I will just not do the weight machines today. But I have to go. I don't want what has happened before to happen again... I work out for a week or two and then slowly taper off... Nope, not happening. I'm not just doing this to fit into a wedding dress like I was a year or two ago--I am doing it so I can be fit and healthy.
So what shall I do at the gym today? Probably my old stand-by, the elliptical machine. I can usually go for about an hour on one of those suckers. I am not fit enough to really jog or run on the treadmill, but for some reason I can get going on the elliptical and time just flies by. Well, it also flies by because I have my iPod with upbeat tunes to listen to while I'm chugging along. But I wonder why I get so out of breath and exhausted from trying to run or jog, but not from using the elliptical machine? I mean, I get tired, but my lungs don't feel like they're on fire and I'm not gasping for air after five minutes. What gives? I know the elliptical is low impact so it doesn't hurt the knees, but does that have anything to do with being winded? My kindof-theory is that when I run or jog, my feet pounding the treadmill surface sort of force the air out of me, while the elliptical doesn't because there is not pounding involved--just nice, fluid motion.
Well, I suppose if I'm going to head to the gym I'd better eat something now and get moving... the later in the day I put it off until, the easier it is to say I'm too tired or I just don't feel like it. So I will go when I'm done with lunch. :) Left-over chili... yum.
So what shall I do at the gym today? Probably my old stand-by, the elliptical machine. I can usually go for about an hour on one of those suckers. I am not fit enough to really jog or run on the treadmill, but for some reason I can get going on the elliptical and time just flies by. Well, it also flies by because I have my iPod with upbeat tunes to listen to while I'm chugging along. But I wonder why I get so out of breath and exhausted from trying to run or jog, but not from using the elliptical machine? I mean, I get tired, but my lungs don't feel like they're on fire and I'm not gasping for air after five minutes. What gives? I know the elliptical is low impact so it doesn't hurt the knees, but does that have anything to do with being winded? My kindof-theory is that when I run or jog, my feet pounding the treadmill surface sort of force the air out of me, while the elliptical doesn't because there is not pounding involved--just nice, fluid motion.
Well, I suppose if I'm going to head to the gym I'd better eat something now and get moving... the later in the day I put it off until, the easier it is to say I'm too tired or I just don't feel like it. So I will go when I'm done with lunch. :) Left-over chili... yum.
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